Townie News

Let Me Just Put This Shit Out There…

2010-03-14T22:22:33Z

If the...

...sign...

...then the...

...should trade...

...for...

...so he can play with...

Makes fahkin’ sense, right?

Nice run, Nomah.

2010-03-10T16:16:42Z

Nomah calls it quits, in a Sawx uniform, no less. Nice call.

Dood...you’ll always be one of my favorites. Sorry you weren’t there for the big one. But Sawx fans will always have a big fat soft spot for you. ‘Cuz you’re Nomah!

Fitzy’s Wildly Hilarious Oscar Recap Episode!

2010-03-09T14:58:31Z

Turns Out the Pats Wilfork Over the Dough

2010-03-06T18:06:50Z

Would you want to tell this guy he doesn’t deserve being the richest nose tackle in the game? Yeah, didn’t think so, pal (photo courtesy of, or just flat-out taken from, The Boston Globe).

Glad we got Big Vince locked up. Super curious what kinda WR/OLB/CB/GFY help the Pats get between now and Das Draft. I’ll tell you one thing - it ain’t gonna be easy to sign Leigh Bodden, who the Pats need like Tiger Woods a prison anklet around his junk, now that Atlanta signed Dunta Robinson to a 6-year, $11 billion deal (OK, it was for $57 mill, which is about $45 mill too much for that guy). Bodden just started seeing Brewster’s Millions pop up in front of his eyes. And he should too.

I need a beer. No reason required. What should I crack into?

Sausages and Onions? Sure thing, Pal!

2010-03-05T20:23:55Z

But no Peppers for Patriots.

The Patriots made Mr. Peppers an offer but apparently it was one he could refuse. Which is too fahkin’ bad.

Well, don’t worry folks, because the Pats pass rush is gonna be a monster this fall, because we signed...Tully Banta-Cain! To an extension. Worth way more than anyone would have ever imagined the guy with Jabba the Hutt’s favorite last name would get. So yeah - no Peppers, but plenty of Banta-Cain. Wow...I can barely contain my excitement. Everybody on 3. 1...2...3!

Really? With all the needs the Pats have this is the big splash out of the gate? And we’re losing Watson (whatevs), though we have Joe Bagodick and Freddy Nutwhistle as the only 2 tight ends on the roster right now. And Leigh Bodden is gonna dip his toes in the free agent water, so in the uncapped year you can be sure someone’s gonna throw an assload of money his way. Not panicking, but we kinda do need a lil’ help on the receiver, cornerback and pass rush fronts.

Banta-Cain for $4.5 million a season? Wow, the cartoon dollar signs in Vince Wilfork’s eyes should have just doubled in size.

Brandon Marshall is Wicked Talented AND B-A-N-A-N-A-S

2010-03-05T04:02:03Z

People have been asking about Brandon Marshall and the possibility that the Pats might want to trade for him and what do I think and all that initial free agency mania. So I thought I’d repost this video I made with Team GFY back when we made videos for ESPN Mobile in the Fall of 2007. Marshall is a hellified WR, and a shit ton of fun. But also stone cold BONKAHZ! (yes, like the candy from the 80’s)

The Best Red Sox Ads Not On Your TV Box

2010-03-04T02:40:16Z

This is one of those “a friend of a friend of a guy I went to high school with who used to know the guy who got us in to the movies free and also got free handies from this broad who worked 2-for-1 night at the local so she gave us actually 4-for-1” kinda deals, but basically someone I know knows someone who made these kickass TV commercials for the Red Sox, except they’re not on TV (I know, takes a real rocket surgeon to figure that shit out, right?) Anyway, give ‘em a watch, spread ‘em around, tell your friends, and let’s see if the kinda commercials that speak to us New England Sports Nitwits (do the acronym!) one day make it on the air. Or at least get this guy some work. Because if this crapass site came with a LIKE button I’d definitely hit it, like your mom, at least twice. Anyway, enjoy...and go fahk yourself.

Save A Free Agent, Won’t You?

2010-03-03T18:49:13Z

It’s that damn Sarah McLachlan music. It gets me every time!

From the madmen over at 12 Angry Mascots - my vote for sorts video of the year (not made by yours truly and Team GFY, of course).

Kippah And Brades: A Little Wii Time

2010-03-02T21:00:55Z

The Pats Are Getting The Band Back Together!

2010-02-24T22:40:40Z

What’s up early 2000’s?

Welcome back, David. You still must have something in the tank, and lord knows you have the championship mentality for the locker room (and could be a good mentor on being tiny and effective to Edelstein while Welker is out), so let’s hop in the way back machine and fahkin’ do this!

Please tell me a still spry and able Deion Branch isn’t far behind you.

Patriots Lose Player With Greatest Name Ever

2010-02-24T15:24:24Z

RIP, Mosi Tatupu.

Whether you or your dad or your dad’s dad were around to see him play you loved Mosi Tatupu for a million and one reasons - his name, his grit, his versatility, the mustache, his toughness, his name - through thick and thin, good and bad, Super and shitty, you could always love you some Mosi Tatupu. When you froze your ass off at Sullivan/Schaeffer/Foxboro Stadium you could always count on Mosi to give it the proverbial 110%. Especially when you didn’t know the name off half the bums out there without a Grogan or Hannah or Morgan on their back. He was so awesome his name was even a joke on “The Simpsons”. “Everybody Loves Tatupu” was the sitcom that never was but shoulda been made. I’d have loved to have bought a beer for him and Jimmy Snuka, my two favorite Polynesian athletes ever. RIP, Mosi.

I think we should all grow Mosi Tatupu mustaches in his honor. Who’s with me?

Attention Other Football Teams

2010-02-22T19:48:39Z

The Patriots and Vince Wilfork are still dating. They’re just in a bit of a “franchise” period right now. But he has been tagged. So you ain’t getting something for nothing, OK?

Who has two thumbs, didn’t want to get franchise tagged, but did, and still hopes to get a big fat long-term deal?

It’s a good day for Pats fans, ‘cuz big Vince ain’t going nowhere. The team catering crew at Foxboro just doubled their order for everything this fall as well.

I’m breathing a small sigh of relief today. He’s the man you build your defense around. LITERALLY. This gives the Pats time to work out the needed bigass extension. THEN we add some Julius Peppers to the mix. THEN we lock up TFB. THEN we have a kickass draft. THEN we kick everybody’s ass. Got it? Write that down, OK?

Also - and I know we have one crazy as balls receiver already, which is probably enough, but knowing that Mossman might be literally, or at least figuratively, going off the reservation, does anyone out there think it’s too bananabrained to sign T.O.? I say full-steam-ahead FAHK IT and you sign him for a year. Just come out with all villainous guns blazing in the uncapped year, dickpunch ‘em all and get that 4th ring. To hell with what other people think of of them/us/you/everyone. GO FOR IT!

I would love to say about TFB, “That’s my teammate. That’s my quarterback.” Without all the pussytears.

Whaddya think? Have I totally lose my fahkin’ mind?

Fitzy’s Super Bowl 44 Recaptacular

2010-02-13T00:43:02Z

Mildly NSFW, as it should be, what when talking about the best pass anyone threw all year.

Fitzy’s Surprise Super Bowl Conversation

2010-02-05T00:51:03Z

You try and make a simple Super Bowl 44 prediction video, albeit a very biased and anti-Colts one, and guess who shows up? Man, this jackass really is everywhere!

Let’s Geaux Saints!

PHEW!!!

2010-02-03T15:02:08Z

White Wes Welker’s surgery went well. Thank the football gods.

White Wes is on the mend. He’ll be back, and boy is he gonna be pissed.