Townie News

Hey, from the “Kick ‘Em While They’re...

Fri, 17 May 2013 10:00:26 -0400

Hey, from the “Kick ‘Em While They’re Down” Department - things seem to be going well for Toronto this week! #crackmayor

This guy earns the GFY of the Week, easily. What an asshole.

CUT TO: every Bruins fan I know, laughing hysterically, buoyed by an overtime win late Thursday night.

Mssrs Marchand and Middlebrooks, Boston sportsfankind thanks you...

Fri, 17 May 2013 09:09:52 -0400

Mssrs Marchand and Middlebrooks, Boston sportsfankind thanks you for your Thursdays. Obviously Mr. Marchand delivered on a SLIGHTLY larger stage, in an environment replete with, oh, just a weeeeee bit more pressure (and with a sweetass assist from Mr. Bergeron, no less). But still - these dudes were the chief operating officers of the “Send ‘Em Home Happy Society: Boston Sports Division” Thursday night, and I, like you, and one and many, couldn’t be friggin happier. I hope whoever saw them wherever they were postgame made sure to buy them a beer / offered sex / maybe did both. Whatever. It was a tense sportsnight that had a surprisingly double kickass finish.

S’go Beez! What a week to be black ‘n gold. And welcome back, tingly winning Sox feelings. Missed that the last 2 weeks. #NoBromo

When John Lackey takes to the hill you know what time it is, Red...

Tue, 14 May 2013 19:17:03 -0400

When John Lackey takes to the hill you know what time it is, Red Sox fans!

Beating Matt Moore, in Tampa…well, technically St. Pete? Good luck, dude.

Bruins Fans Almost Cave In Comcast SportsNet Studio

Tue, 14 May 2013 09:07:58 -0400

Bruins Fans Almost Cave In Comcast SportsNet Studio:

Watching this, it almost had the feeling of a slightly end-of-the-world kinda broadcast at times, like maybe those were starving, crazed zombies outside the windows, and it was only a matter of time before they broke through and ultimately ate the brains of the hosts. Well, something like that. Bruins fans definitely are no zombies, but they damn well deserved to act apocalyptically crazed after that win Monday night. Woulda been kinda cool if the glass came down, admit it.

In hockey terms, the words “epic comeback” belong to the Beez until further notice.

In every sporting event there are winners, and there are losers....

Tue, 14 May 2013 00:29:21 -0400

In every sporting event there are winners, and there are losers. And being a loser sucks harder when it comes in overtime. After blowing a 3 goal lead. And you’re amongst 100,000 hosers. In hockey jerseys.

S’go Beez! The word epic feels as though it doesn’t live up to your comeback tonight. Way to be #BOSTONSTRONG

GFY, Maple Rags! Bring on the Rangers!

Don’t Go Back To Toronto, Bruins. That Place Sucks. Blow...

Fri, 10 May 2013 18:13:52 -0400

Don’t Go Back To Toronto, Bruins. That Place Sucks. Blow The Roof Off The Gahden Tonight. Feel The Love At Home. Sweep The Leg. Finish It.

You know those STRONG t-shirts we’re selling to raise...

Thu, 09 May 2013 15:00:27 -0400

You know those STRONG t-shirts we’re selling to raise money for The One Fund? Well, they arrived. And they’re awesome.

Buy yours at The Townie News Store NOW.

If you like filth, fun, four letter words, roasts, rowdiness and...

Thu, 09 May 2013 10:00:16 -0400

If you like filth, fun, four letter words, roasts, rowdiness and Rodman then you should enjoy the hell out of this clip. I had the chance to roast none other than one of the original “Bad Boys”, The Worm himself, Dennis Rodman, at the legendary Friar’s Club in NYC back on March 15th, 2013. Right at the hilt of his recent craziness, following the North Korea and Vatican City papal selection visits. Ripe for the picking he was. A prime candidate for mockery and mayhem. Lemme tell you, we busted some serious basketballs this night. And Worm, who I used to love to root against but now kinda can dig, was more than a gracious sport. Ether that or he’s so far gone from this world…whatever the case this was a freakin’ treat. Kick back, relax, pop a cold one (or 3) and enjoy at the expense of someone more famous, and self-destructive, than you or I.

Your GFY of the Day for Thursday, May 9th, 2013 - Because you...

Wed, 08 May 2013 23:41:45 -0400

Your GFY of the Day for Thursday, May 9th, 2013 - Because you needed another reason to root against/really dislike the Heat, right? I’m telling you, it’s a great world. It’s people that can make it suck. Especially Grade-A assholes like these two. And nice work by the “security” guard to her right.

I got no dog in their race. Still, I do hope a blimp filled with diarrhea and broken glass dildos crashes into her house or tanning salon soon.

Hey Toronto, did you guys have an election? No? Well, you...

Wed, 08 May 2013 22:36:57 -0400

Hey Toronto, did you guys have an election? No? Well, you should meet the guy who runs your city. #Bruins

I think my #GFY Of The Year has been locked up, and it’s...

Tue, 07 May 2013 07:53:00 -0400

I think my #GFY Of The Year has been locked up, and it’s but early May. Seriously guy? You know this humpface thought he was being clever and topical when he made this sign. GREAT idea to play off the rally cry of a city that’s recently been terrorized and turned upside down, only to show a kind of resolve and grit this nitwit will never know in 15 lifetimes. What the hell has Toronto been through recently that was so traumatic that it bonded its citizens in unity to make justice prevail and fortify itself in an effort of peace and brotherhood? NOT making the playoffs for almost a decade? Wow…the exchange rate going from north of the border back to the US doesn’t make this guy any less of an assbrain.

Just look at the bald dude in front of him. Even he knows the guy behind him is a certifiable asswagon. And even if I’m not the biggest hockey guy in town I’m 7,000 times happier that the Bruins won Monday night so this dickface could go home disappointed, forced to stare at his sign, then later have people forward him his picture on blog after blog after social media outlet, asking “What were you thinking, eh? You asshole.”

Remember - it’s actually a pretty awesome world. It’s just people that can make it suck.

GFY, Toronto Stronger Guy. And Let’s Go Beez! If for no other reason (and there are plenty) than to make sure this barfbox gets no more fun. Because he went and ruined it for when someone offered him some fun.

Seriously, what an asshole.

(cheers ‘n beers to @ctetley12 for fwding the pic)

NEW VIDEO - In case you missed it, given that we posted over the...

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:07:43 -0400

NEW VIDEO - In case you missed it, given that we posted over the weekend, and I know you humps do your web watching mostly at work, usually in the morning (uh-oh! analytics nerd alert!) - click here for our 2013 NFL Draft video, complete with the several hundred person sized “Buttfumble!” chant you’ve always dreamed of. Plus a random celebrity cameo at the end. Warning - that celebrity looks pretty unterrific. But he gave great sound byte.

Enjoy, and GFY.

At long last, she has arrived - Fitzy Goes To The 2013 NFL...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 21:54:00 -0400

At long last, she has arrived - Fitzy Goes To The 2013 NFL Draft. And it’s every bit as Buttfumbleriffic as you’d hoped it’d be (mildly NSFW, as one might imagine and hope it to be).

One last video before we post our Draft Spectacular - if you...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 21:15:38 -0400

One last video before we post our Draft Spectacular - if you haven’t seen new Pats WR’s 2012 incredible catch then get ready for a serious highlight boner. Welcome to the Pats party, pal.

Before we post our 2013 Draft video I just want to share this,...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 21:04:33 -0400

Before we post our 2013 Draft video I just want to share this, courtesy of @massholesports, because we were bombarded by “J-E-T-S! SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!” chants outside Radio City. It was pretty brutal. And overwhelming. And hilarious. And we chose to edit them out of the video because it seemed like we were piling on. Just let it be. Or, in this case, let the Jets fans do it for you. Because, damn.

Watch - somehow their salary cap-strapped shitsquad will go 10-6 and make the playoffs and won’t we all look like assclowns when they do.

No. No, they won’t. So enjoy. Woe is Jetsfans.

Video in a few…

Currently editing our 2013 #NFLDraft video, for which this...

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 11:14:02 -0400

Currently editing our 2013 #NFLDraft video, for which this picture stands representative of a major theme: fans love The Buttfumble. So much so that…

RT @espn17h

The fans outside of Radio City just chanted “Butt Fumble! Butt Fumble!” as a Jets fan walked by. Yup, it’s #NFLDraft Night.

Hate to burst your bubble, ESPN, but that was no Jets fan. That was yours truly in a Jet green satire-iffical BUTTFUMBLE shirt leading the hundreds on line at the draft in chants of “Butt Fum-Ble!” And I’d be lying if I said it was anything short of joyous. Not that giving Jets fans the business isn’t a version of going after low-hanging fruit, it’s just…well, it’s THE BUTT FUMBLE. The greatest miscue in recent NFL history. So Jets.

We went there yesterday figuring fans of many a team, usual Hatriots Nation members, would want to throw some love behind people repping #BostonStrong. And while we weren’t crapped on with the usual ferocity, fans cut us a little slack, and showed support for their Beantown brethren. However, the real unity amongst the thousands outside Radio City came over how magnificent THE BUTTFUMBLE is and was and forever will be.

As far as the draft itself? Please,if any of you are crying in your coffee (which probably has whiskey in it if you wear Friday man-pants) over Belichick trading back and not making a selection on Night 1 in the 1st Round? Then your pink hat must be too tight, newb. That’s what he does. And when he has a chance to get value (one of The Belichickbot’s favorite words) in the form of 4 picks in a draft rich with mid-round talent? Umm, yeah. D’uh! Of course! Fahk yeah! Etc. Andruzzi, in all his heroic representative BostonStrong awesomeness, should have just said “With the 29th pick in the 2013 NFL Draft…It Is What It Is. The Pats trade back.”

My money is on the Pats taking 2 WRs in the mid-rounds, like they did with TEs in 2010, RBs in 2011, and traded up for with DE/LB hybrids in Rd 1 last year. But please - it was fun watching the draft waiting for the Pats to do what the Pats do! And hey, the Sox won while you watched and waited. So quit yer bitchin and get ready for Rds 2 and 3 tonight. Plus Sox. Plus the Celtics. Add a 6 (or 12) pack and pizza? That’s living to me. But I please easily (and that’s NOT what she said).

We’ll have the video up soon. Plenty more updates, nonsense, fanalysis and more. Here’s a good Round 1 bullshit sesh yours truly partook of late late Thursday night into Friday AM (a little draftermath chat, if you will).

Be good. Viva Le Buttfumble! And GFY.

He is officially the Mandruzzi. Very #BostonStrong. Highlight...

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 02:02:11 -0400

He is officially the Mandruzzi. Very #BostonStrong. Highlight of the draft for me.

And now Belichick gets to do his dirty work. A hot pile of 2nd, 3rd & 4th round picks ahoy! Thanks, Minnesota. You hooked us up again, without Brad Childress even being involved. Much obliged.

Hella good time at the draft Thursday filming with the fanimals. Video and stories to follow. GFY & let ‘em fly, gang. GO PATS!

cbssports:

Boston Strong.

Many of you wondered if we’d make a shirt to benefit the...

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 14:37:32 -0400

Many of you wondered if we’d make a shirt to benefit the victims of the Boston Marathon attack, and what it would be. Here is your answer…and we think it’s pretty STRONG.

STRONG - from Townienews.com - a rendering of a now memorable, and to Boston sports fans,iconic image of Big Papi, defiantly raising his fist, telling the world whose city Boston is. It’s memorable. It’s a rallying point. And it’ll look pretty damn sharp on you, especially when you know the proceeds go to charity.

STRONG will sell for $15 (plus S/H) with all proceeds going to benefit The One Fund. We hope you like it, and give us a reason to print more, and more, and more.

Many more opportunities on the way to raise funds for those who need it, those affected negatively, and those who earned the help for their bravery, selflessness and sacrifice. We’ll have shows. Outings. Beer-a-thons (don’t forget to go to MJ O’Connor’s tonight in Boston and chip in to the fundraiser organized by @SportsGal1972). This is just a start.

Hope this finds all of you and yours well. Remember - no more hurting people.

Be Strong. And GFY, cowards.

Team GFY is officially in for the 2013 #NFLDraft - like I got...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 21:22:42 -0400

Team GFY is officially in for the 2013 #NFLDraft - like I got anything else better to do! This is an annual tradition, and while many, much like the balls of the fans I encounter on line, are meant to be broken, this is one that’s not. It’s just too much fun and impossible to pass up the chance to mock and be mocked..especially after all the mock drafts we’ve been subjected to in recent week. Plus, in light of recent unfortunate events I feel like I wouldn’t be worth the baked beans I was raised on if I didn’t show up and represent for Patriots, Masshole and GFY kind. So get ready for some BostonStrong grade bullshitting, peoples.

So to all you fanimals waiting for the chance to give me the business, or get your chops busted - let’s get ready to BUTTFUMBLE! Err, rumble. Whatever. Be there a little after 4. Much nonsense to follow.

And for those who care to take a digital stroll down Memory Lane, here, in easy to click on form for all you binary titwits, are our draft videos from 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012.

Few chances for a cheap laff @ the expense of Jets fans this...

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 16:00:30 -0400

Few chances for a cheap laff @ the expense of Jets fans this jackass can ever pass up.

lolpats:

Another gem from our friends @NFL_Memes